Losing my touch...?

Reading blogs, checking pinterest, gathering inspiration from teachers pay teachers, buying items from TpT, feeling inspired enough to sell items on TpT, sharing is caring, no one else feeling sharing is caring, wow... you really felt that you should write that in an e-mail. Phew, I accomplished a lot of nothing again on another Monday night as I watch football, food prep, and watch the Patriots take on the Ravens at home. As I sit here I reflect on so much and think "man, I should really do some grading." But we all know that isn't happening until my planning tomorrow, if I don't get called to cover again.

This year has been a year of realizations, reality, and THAT can't be reality. A study I noticed in my blogging states:  "a common attribute of cooperativeness in this teaching cohort is more aligned with the teaching role which may explain teachers' frustration in having to accommodate an independent working style of administrator." I got hired at my school in 2012 in a portable. Our principals secretary came to get me in the elementary schools lobby to bring me around the side, past construction trailers, and into a portable they were passing off as an admin office with 3 desks and a round table in the middle. The first thing this little adorable woman told me was, "come on hunny, they have this awful interview in there right now, and I am going to have you walk in and sit down in hopes that this person learns that their time is up... whooo this one isn't a fit." All I could think in my head is "what if they do this to me?!?!" As I sat there and things were going great, I point out my awesomeness in my binder ... all I could think is "this is the job for me! I fit here." Then ... the next person walks in...! My heart melted... "am I being rushed?!" It took almost two months before I heard back. Little did I know, even though I was working at another school in the district, I couldn't be an eternal transfer just yet. I worked as an aide at an all exceptional needs school and couldn't transfer pay grades yet. But then the call came. I went in in scrub clothes from summer school at the SED school I was working at with possible pureed food on my pants. But that little old woman was very persistent that it was okay. I sat down at a new round table in a beautiful new school and the AP who interviewed me was running late as the Principal goes "remind me again which one you are...." I didn't know what to do, I started running off a list of my credentials. Then suddenly as the AP comes in and sits down, this Principal that seems to have a break through goes "Oh yeah, the Patriots fan.... want a job...?" I didn't know what to do and seeing my stunned face he then goes to start again with "I couldn't remember why we had your name on the board still and had circled it, as well as a star... but now I recall. I read through your lesson plans. Want a job." I responded with "yeah... I mean yes." Then the AP stands up and goes "welcome to the team" as she goes to walk out followed by "Nancy will get you set up next door with new teacher orientation." When I got back to my co-workers car whom I had carpooled with that day, I said "I think I just got the job."

Over that first year we picked out everything from our school motto, our school song, our school EVERYTHING. We made trial and errors with sectioning floors and which stairwells went which way. But we built a culture. A culture that was homey, welcoming, caring, and filled with outstanding work ethic. Our students were a big variety, but we took extreme detail to caring for each and every one of those unique students in our joyful new middle school. The atmosphere was amazing. The students wanted to be there and so didn't the students. Our Principal lead with confidence, care, and a charisma that could never be duplicated. He was more blunt than the powerhouse Blount Force Trauma that plagues the football feild tonight as I watch this game. He would tell teachers and students, "if you don't want to be here, then don't. I will go fill out your transfer papers now if you want it. I have waitlists to get in."

It showed! We worked so hard in filling that school with learning and 7 Habit worthy awesomeness.

But now into our 5th school year open, 3 Principals, AP swaps galore, and countless new teachers later. Only 12 original teachers currently still exist in our amazing school that started so strong. We got graded our first year (not fair) and earned an F, but quickly became one of only 2 schools in Florida to go from an F to a C in our second year. The pride and joy that filled the halls was immense. Our first fearless leader faced some medical issues and left for bigger and better things. But as we face our new leader, countless changes and yet again new incentives, styles, expectations, and so much more again.... I feel like I am broken... I am exhausted and broken... or maybe it's the system. Our Principal has passion and heart. I love my students, there's no doubt about that. I am AMAZING at my job. Others describe me as the teacher who walks on water and creates magic. I am organized and skilled. I unit plan like no other. But now face an exhaustion cross road that is making me question so much... am I losing my touch....? Have my years in Florida made me as successful as the present-day situations of ALL 3 NFL teams here...? Will I have a "Lightning" worthy win soon...? Because If not ... jobs watching Netflix movies from the comfort of my bed sound more and more appealing.